Giles Shorts

“Obviously you should take your clothes off.”

“Good Lord, I can read Sumerian.” Rupert paused. Surely his fiance hadn't just said … “I beg your pardon?”

“We've lost our memories, we've been attacked by vampires, your son doesn't like me, and the shop is in danger. That's all very stressful.”

“And you're suggesting?”

“Sex relieves stress. We should have sex.”

“Those problems are all rather pressing, well possibly not Randy hating you. That doesn't seem quite fixable. But perhaps we should work on not dying first?” Hold on, had he just turned down sex? Rupert found himself wiping his glasses as he wondered if he were dependent on Viagra to well, er, perform.

“Fine.” Anya grabbed a book from the table and opened it to a random page. “Bara bara himble gemination.”

“Wait, you don't know …” She screamed and grabbed him, which was rather nice actually. Ah, and excellent, no Viagra necessary. “It's just a rabbit,” he said as he reached an arm around her waist. Given what she'd just said about sex and, well, she was his fiance, surely she wouldn't mind if he lowered his hand just a bit.

She stepped out of his arms before he had a chance to cop a feel. “Just a rabbit? If you loved me, you'd be just as scared of that … that …”

“Bunny?”

Oh dear, apparently she didn't like to be teased. Grabbing the book again, she chanted, “Himble abri, abri voyon.” Two more rabbits appeared, one siting on her shoe. Shrieking, Anya jumped onto a chair. “This is all your fault!”

“My fault? How do you …”

“If we'd been having sex, none of this would have happened.”